Can you spell...D U M B ?

Well, I really don't know where to start. The stupidity never ceases to amaze me. It is like all the comedians say..."I CANT MAKE THIS STUFF UP". I loose it pretty much on a daily basis because of it. I know, it does not do any good to let it get to me, but for some reason I cannot help myself. I know not only because it wares me out but because my lovely wife Ruth Ann will in no uncertain terms tell me I am making an ass of myself. I really do owe my life to her...she has let me live.

To start with, I guess I will start with the fast food industry. I will not pick anyone in particular because they are all about the same. Almost the same menu, almost the same smells, almost the same taste and for certain the same type of employees. Where in the hell do these people come from? If you are lucky enough to find the order taker an English speaking person then at least you got that going for you. As you know, or if you have not read another bog or don't know us_____we are Brad, Ruth Ann and Baby Girl (our alternative child, our Min-Pin)____so when the order is placed it covers all three of us. Ruth Ann has the only normal order____ double cheese burger, fries and ranch dressing. Me, don't quite so normal but not hard____two cheese burgers with nothing on them and a _______here it comes, wait for it.........."WILL THAT BE TWO CHEESE BURGERS WITH NOTHING ON THEM? DO YOU WANT CHEESE ON THEM?......no, I want to pay extra for the hamburgers and just call them cheese burgers...dumb-ass....and give me a small fry. Then............"SO THAT IS TWO CHEESE BURGERS WITH NOTHING ON THEM EXCEPT THE CHEESE, RIGHT"? Right, now......"WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE"?....Y---E----S, I also want two hamburgers with nothing on them, not even a bun, it is for our dog.."DO YOU WANT CHEESE ON THEM"?...I said nothing, no cheese, no ketchup, no mustard, no lettuce, no pickle and no bun. Put them in a little container or wrap them in paper I don't care just don't put anything on them, it is for the dog and the dog get pissed when it as to eat around all that crap. They read it back and after a few adjustments they place the order. During the time it is being prepared the order taker is telling the food builder ( I don't know what else to call the people behind the line, they are not cooks) how to fill my order, and then there is the food sliding down that metal troughs and being bagged by the order taker. I have to remind them to put the ranch dressing in the bag. I peer into the bag and count, people..you have to at least count to make sure the quantity is at least right.
There are enough packages and so off I go to deliver the feast to my awaiting family. We pull our bounty from the bags and unwrap our mundane super. Yea, Ruth Ann has a complete and right order. Next it is Baby Girl, they have put her food in a plastic covered bowl, oh how special she is. But alas, her dinner is right only in the part that there are two hamburger patties in the bowl. You ask, how could they mess this up...oh, please let me inform you. The two patties are resting on top of a leaf of lettuce,and did they leave them naked (with nothing on them)? NO!!!! They have decided to decorate them not with just ketchup but with added flair, mustard also. Baby Girl just looks at it and rolls her eyes then looks at me as if to say.."You know that I am going to eat your food, I don't care what you do with this crap"!!! I want to go back inside and wipe the condiments off on there counter and let them know who and what I think they are, but I don't..because I am such a people person. Ruth Ann reverses the problem with Baby Girls food by wiping off the goo on the burgers, throwing away the leafy green yuck and puts the bowl on the floor and Baby Girl looks up at her and I swear throws her a kiss and then inhales her food. I look at mine and am very surprised that they got it right. I take a bite and Baby Girl is barking and bouncing off my leg begging for my food.

Sooooooo, now let get to the jobby thingy. We have delivered in Aurora,IL and was then dispatched on a load picking up in the Chicago area at a UPS facility, we get to Willowbrook,IL and the load cancels. So we set there waiting to see what our wonderers travel planner is going to come up with next. Now, this is the 4th and we are suppose to be home on the 5th, 600 miles away. We are told to go to Palatine,IL and drop our empty trailer at a UPS facility. That load is going to York,PA. Nope, we are not going to take it, we are just going to give up our trailer and someone else will come and get the load. HHHMMMMMmmm..very, very astute. So we sit another couple of hours. Now they want us to go to Hodgkin,IL....you guessed it...to pick up an empty trailer...where you ask..why at an UPS facility. "ARE WE HAVING FUN YET??????" So off we go again. We get the empty trailer and they send us the load information. It is a Dial Tile load, heavy. It is going to Edgerton,MD....nope, not WV. And it does not pick-up till in the morning and then delivers on the 9th. We get the load and after weighing it three times to get the axles right we are off. We get to Perrysburg,OH. they tell us that they want us to take the load to Columbus,OH and drop it and pick-up a load going to VA, not WV. Needless to say, I have pretty much had enough of this BS and started to voice my views of it. We get abut 50 miles from the place they want us to drop the load and are told that they changed their minds. Now they want us to take it home and deliver it when we come back out from thee house. There is much discussion on the safety of the load while we are home. We live in a very small town and park right in front of the house. We are told that they will try to find another driver to pick-up the load and deliver it.

YEA, we are at home, late, but at home. The next day, I decide to do the taxes and have everything out and I am working on them. The telephone rings and it is dispatch telling us that there will be a driver picking up this load. Ruth Ann is tell dispatch on where the driver is to drop his empty till he comes up and picks up the load because there is no where to put two trailers in front of the house even long enough to switch out. All is good. Now the truck stop is in Jane Lew,WV and we live in Lost Creek,WV....5 miles apart. We are right alongside of I-79 and you can plainly see our house and the truck a trailer. I can stand on the front porch and throw a rock onto the highway, we are close to the highway. I told you all that so that you can have a better picture. Truck stop is at the 105 mile marker and we are at the 110 mile marker.

The driver calls, and it is like talking to one of the fast food order takers, and with deciphering what he is saying he may or may not be here till tomorrow. We don't care, whenever. He gets in about 8 PM and calls us from the truck stop. We say, great. Now drop your trailer and come to get this one and we will go back and get the empty after you leave with the loaded one because there is not enough room till you do. No, he says....dispatch said he cannot drop till we are there to pick-up the empty trailer. Well...I am just overly delighted with this and want to shout with joy.....who am I kidding, I shout alright...but not with joy. I am in
the middle of doing the taxes, and oh yeah....mid-afternoon there has been a truck wreck on the south bound side of I-79 around the 108 mile marker. Yep, in between us and the truck stop. Now, there is another way to the truck stop and that is by the old highway that runs right along side of I-79. I is a two lane twisty road. We take it all the time but the problem is that now there is traffic on it and the only way for me to get turned around and head back is to go to the next exit north of here. I take off and in no certain way am I a happy camper. I get up to the next exit and get turned back south. The traffic from the 110 to the 108 mile markers are at a dead stop and have been that way since the accident. I get to talking to another driver behind be and tell him that I am going to go around this and he can follow me if he wanted to. He says okay. I am about to get off at the 110 mile marker when I notice a pickup backing up the shoulder trying to get to that same exit. I have to slow down a little faster then I would have so that I am prepared for whatever little driving skill that the pickup may try. I warn the driver behind me of what is going on. The pickup is now in the wedge of the highway and exit ramp but stays put till we get by. Anyway, I make it down to the truck stop and the driver that was following me thanked me for leading him down that way. I change trailers with the driver that had been waiting for me and head home. Now it is very dark and there is little light when I get back to the house for me to see what I am doing. But, I get parked and as I walk up the drive-way I notice a pickup. I go inside and Ruth Ann introduces me to a woman she has known forever but had not seen in many years. We talk and after awhile the woman mentions that she was in that back up on the highway and had already gone by the 100 exit. You guessed it, she was the one I met at the ramp. Small world

So, here it is Saturday. The load is gone, we have an empty trailer. The taxes are done and the Fed. and State both owe us. Ruth Ann went to the eye doctor and got glasses. One of our sisters came by for a visit. I am sitting here at my bar and having a Martini. I am writing because I want to entertain all my friends.

You all be safe. Till later....Brad